Hello, world! My name is Miranda. I'm 25-years-old. I have black hair and brown eyes. I love to read, sing, and watch movies. And at a weight of 320 lbs., I am morbidly obese. You have no idea how difficult and embarrassing it is to write, let alone publicly admit to, that number.
This blog will be about mybattle journey with my image of myself and the way I know in my heart God sees me. It seems my whole life to this point has been a struggle to reconcile my self-loathing with my faith and the things I know are true.
What I know to be true is this: I am a Daughter of God. He is the literal Father of my spirit. He sent me to earth to receive a body and to learn and grow through my experiences in mortality. He knew that I would make many mistakes during my sojourn here so He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for me. Not only for my sins, but for my sorrows and ailments, too. Because my Savior did this for me I can repent and I can also be healed.
And I am in desperate need of healing.
The trouble is that I keep holding myself back. I know that I can turn to the Savior for help, and I do for so many other matters, but I haven't ever really sought His help with this one. It isn't because I don't believe He has the ability to heal my emotional wounds. As crazy as it sounds, I think it's because He can heal me that I haven't been earnestly seeking His help.
See, I have this story that I constantly tell myself. That I'm fat and ugly. That I'll never succeed. That no matter what I do I'll never be good enough. It was what I heard as a child from a person a child should never have to hear those things from. It didn't matter whether it was said with words or looks or treatment, I heard the message loud and clear. I've lived with this perception of myself for almost 21 years and to be honest, it's become a security blanket. It acts as a safety net when I try to change and fail and gives me permission to never even try at all. Because deep down inside I'm terrified of changing. As painful as it is to live with, this story about myself is comfortable and familiar. A Miranda who isn't obese is a foreign concept. There are no guarantees that she will be any happier than the Miranda who exists today. That Miranda, however, is miserable. She's also had enough.
Today I listened to the General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (of which I am a member) and it has inspired me make a change - this time relying on the help of Christ. I've tried losing weight and improving my self-esteem before, but I haven't allowed Christ to direct my efforts. And I truly believe that I will only be able to succeed if allow Him to do that. One of the main catalysts for creating this blog is something that was said by Elder M. Russell Ballard in Conference today: "Remove all your fear with Faith."
I'm taking those words to heart. I've been unhappy and fearful for so long and I know that this is not in harmony with the plan Heavenly Father has for me. For the first time I'm going to put my full heart into the faith I put in Him. I know changing won't be easy. In fact, I'm prepared for it to be down right excruciating. But I know it will be worth it.
The Spirit whispers that there's a better life out there for me. I can't wait to meet it.
This blog will be about my
What I know to be true is this: I am a Daughter of God. He is the literal Father of my spirit. He sent me to earth to receive a body and to learn and grow through my experiences in mortality. He knew that I would make many mistakes during my sojourn here so He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for me. Not only for my sins, but for my sorrows and ailments, too. Because my Savior did this for me I can repent and I can also be healed.
And I am in desperate need of healing.
The trouble is that I keep holding myself back. I know that I can turn to the Savior for help, and I do for so many other matters, but I haven't ever really sought His help with this one. It isn't because I don't believe He has the ability to heal my emotional wounds. As crazy as it sounds, I think it's because He can heal me that I haven't been earnestly seeking His help.
See, I have this story that I constantly tell myself. That I'm fat and ugly. That I'll never succeed. That no matter what I do I'll never be good enough. It was what I heard as a child from a person a child should never have to hear those things from. It didn't matter whether it was said with words or looks or treatment, I heard the message loud and clear. I've lived with this perception of myself for almost 21 years and to be honest, it's become a security blanket. It acts as a safety net when I try to change and fail and gives me permission to never even try at all. Because deep down inside I'm terrified of changing. As painful as it is to live with, this story about myself is comfortable and familiar. A Miranda who isn't obese is a foreign concept. There are no guarantees that she will be any happier than the Miranda who exists today. That Miranda, however, is miserable. She's also had enough.
Today I listened to the General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (of which I am a member) and it has inspired me make a change - this time relying on the help of Christ. I've tried losing weight and improving my self-esteem before, but I haven't allowed Christ to direct my efforts. And I truly believe that I will only be able to succeed if allow Him to do that. One of the main catalysts for creating this blog is something that was said by Elder M. Russell Ballard in Conference today: "Remove all your fear with Faith."
I'm taking those words to heart. I've been unhappy and fearful for so long and I know that this is not in harmony with the plan Heavenly Father has for me. For the first time I'm going to put my full heart into the faith I put in Him. I know changing won't be easy. In fact, I'm prepared for it to be down right excruciating. But I know it will be worth it.
The Spirit whispers that there's a better life out there for me. I can't wait to meet it.
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